The Sex Lives of African Women.

 THE SEX LIVES OF AFRICAN WOMEN.

By Esther Mwelu.

Hello and welcome to today's read.How are you?I missed you all.Thank you for sticking around.

The sex lives of African Women is a book written by Nana Darkoa Sokyiamah.It is a collection of stories from African women in the continent and those in diaspora.

Photo c/o @OpenDemocracy images

Sex,sexual orientation,sexual agency, sexuality and anything related to sex is a taboo conversation in most African countries.When it comes to these,there is so much stigma attached and sexual desires is equal to sexual sin especially among women,young women.

The womenfolk in this book take us on their own personal journeys in asserting their sexual power. They are more than 30 stories of women in their journeys of sexual self discovery,freedom,healing,desire, self awareness and pain.The diversity of experiences shared and intimate details give us an insight on how to navigate, negotiate and enjoy sex and relationships.

People don't speak openly about sex.You must be sick in the head if you show this desires.Woe unto to you if you are a young woman who has had sex.The shame is pulpable.

"Nobody will marry you if you have sex."

These hushed conversations about sex have resulted in majority of women not knowing what sexual freedom is or feels like.It is only recently that I have started talking about sex with my close circle of friends but even then the conversation goes for two minutes max before it becomes awkward and we have to digress.It really shouldn't be like this.

Each story in the book is powerful and deserving of attention.Every woman deserves good sex.You deserve to enjoy sex and not feel guilty everytime you have it.It is easy to feel guilty for wanting sexual pleasure but sex and feeling like you desire sex is normal and natural.

Sex is good.Always feel free to express your desires and needs.I know,I know,it is easier said than done.Self discovery,a place where some of us are beginning to get at,is one way in which we can discover our sexual needs and desires.Self awareness and intentionality also come in handy.

The journey to sexual freedom is not linear.It is a series of wrongs and trials before getting it.It is a lot of unlearning of shame,obligations and disgrace to get there.

"...we are socialised from a really early age to think of ourselves as Fula first before anything else.As a woman your identity is first linked to your father,then your husband.We also have a lot of child marriages because you are not regarded as a woman until you're married and so even children tend to desire marriage for the recognition that it brings them."

Polyamory,sexual abuse,sex work, celibacy,single motherhood,polygamy, monogamy and so many other themes are discussed here in.Sex among members of the LGBTQ+ is also discussed.Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism(BDSM) and psychedelics are also presented.

"I have always avoided getting into relationships because i did not want to get hurt or have my heart broken.I saw what it did to people around me and i didn't want that.I don't know where i learnt to be afraid,but the fear manifested itself in my life was the fear of putting your heart in someone's hands.That sense of stripping yourself and being intimate with someone and they use that against you.I had a fear of loving someone in spite of needing to protect myself.I had a fear of caring for someone and yet being unable to reach them.That really scares me."

Sex has a lot of politics that surround it.It is,however,our individual choice to define what sex looks and feels like to us.Define your sexuality and sexual orientation.Nobody has the best manual for navigating sex anyway.Enjoy good sex.You owe that to yourself.Also,you cannot be fornicating and still have bad/trash sex.You deserve better.

Ps:The Karakta development here is hilarious.

That's it for this week.I'll see you next week.Stay safe and take care of you and your mental health.Audios✌️.