FATHERHOOD MYSTERY.
FATHER HOOD MYSTERY.
Think back to when you were still schooling, and after the end of your semester, your report card reads that you have failed your examination or even dropped your grades. You will agree with me that the fear that we would have after our parents getting informed about this ,would make us prefer to even run away or even die because we could not endure the beating that came with it .
This story is about a young man who has experienced both the sweet and the bitter side of life and before we dive in let’s talk about this first.
We all know that growing up without a father figure has a profound effect on boys that lasts into manhood. Boys need a father figure to learn how to be a man. Without having this influence in their lives, boys are at risk of growing into men who have problems with behavior, emotional stability, and relationships with both significant others and their own children and this will clearly be seen in iyke’s story.
For starters, studies repeatedly show that children without fathers positively present in the home suffer greatly. Even before a child is born, their father’s attitudes regarding the pregnancy, behaviors during the prenatal period, and the relationship between their father and mother may indirectly influence risk for adverse birth outcomes. In early childhood, studies show that school-aged children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie. Overall, they were far more likely to exhibit prosaically behavior.
In adolescence, the implications of fatherless homes are incredible, as these children are more likely to experience the effects of poverty. Over the past four decades, fatherlessness has emerged as one of our greatest social problems. We know that children who grow up with absent-fathers can suffer lasting damage. They are more likely to end up in poverty or drop out of school, become addicted to drugs, have a child out of wedlock, or end up in prison. Fatherlessness is not the only cause of these things, but our nation must recognize it is an important factor.
Narratively speaking, many individuals can attest to the fact that the lasting impact of a father in child’s life cannot be denied. Many would admit that they have struggled with feelings of abandonment and low self-esteem, due to the lack of a father’s love in their lives. Some have turned to drugs, alcohol, risky sexual activities, unhealthy relationships, or other destructive behaviors to numb the pains of fatherlessness.
Although the absence of their father is not an isolated risk factor, it definitely can take a toll on the development of children. This is important to take note of, as many would argue that one parental role is more significant than the other. That is simply not true.
When a parent is absent, children may blame themselves, believing there is something wrong with them. They believe that they must not be deserving or lovable. Children also develop the belief that the absent parent is bad and so, through genetics, they must also be bad. Children of divorce, where one parent has sole custody, grow up to have significantly lower self-esteem than children of parents who have joint custody or whose parents remain married. This is especially true in men, who learn to be men mostly through their interactions with a father figure. Without those interactions, men can grow up to be unsure of how they should behave as husbands and fathers.
Adolescent boys look to their father figures to tell them if they are good enough to be men, without paternal approval, adolescent boys experience emotional pain, which can lead to attempts to prove themselves. These include intense competition with other boys, engaging in risky behaviors, and criminal “tough guy” behavior intended to scare the world into seeing them as men.
Men who grow up without a father figure also have more problems bonding with their own children. Having never experienced a father-son bond, they are unsure of how to develop that relationship with their own children. Men who had absent fathers are more likely to be absent fathers themselves. These men were also never taught how to have healthy relationships with women and tend to have higher break-up and divorce rates than men who grow up with a father’s influence.
Boys who grow up without a father show higher stress levels to daily challenges -- traffic or dealing with a boss. A good relationship with his father teaches a son to better solve problems, allowing him, as a man, to deal with everyday stress in more useful ways. As I see it, men who grow up without paternal influence are also more likely to experience depression and anxiety and you will understand why in this story.
Iyke Anuerin Otieno.
His name was Iyke Anuerin Otieno, who was born and raised by his only mother who worked as an administrator at Kenyatta University .Being the only child of his mother gave him a lot of privileges because he had everything to himself, as they say he was a “mummy’s boy”. Iyke joined Kaimosi Junior primary Boarding school and to be specific at grade 4 simply because of the nature of work her mother did, so he joined a boarding school while he was still young. Because of that I must say his experience in boarding school was not a bed of roses .He was bullied many times until it became a norm to him , his properties being stolen by his fellow students even his upkeep money ;poor boy was really going through a lot .
After finishing his primary school education, he joined St Ignatius Mukumu Boys high school in western region where his passion for music
Leziki Band.
His mother always gave her what he wanted because she had a well-paying job at Kenyatta University, so Iyke was somehow pampered. Throughout his childhood Iyke always felt like he was missing something and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the absence of his biological father, and probably that’s why his mother gave him all he needed maybe because he didn’t want his son to feel a void in his life.
As days went by things started changing in iyke’s life .his mother stopped sending him money regularly as he used to, he even started being chased out of school simply because of not paying school fees. and all this was because his mother got demoted because of the new regime that took over the institution, worse of all the colleagues his mother has signed as their guarantees for them to get bank loans defaulted others died and others flew out of the country with no way to be reached hence the loans were diverted to my mum to service them not forgetting his personal loans that he had that were amounting to millions of shillings.
This situation forced their lifestyle to change, they even had to rent a cheaper apartment where they could stay. Their state really affected Iyke both emotionally and physiologically .He started performing poorly in school, got depressed and overly stressed. Iyke saw the way his mother was suffering and started wondering where his father was and why his mother never spoke about him.
As a result of his eagerness to find out who his biological father was, he started pressuring his mother to tell him the truth. On one faithful night during the school holidays when he was in form 2 ,his mother finally opened up to who iyke’s father was ,and shocking enough he got to find out that his father was a respected person in the society ,a politician ;the member of parliament of mathare ,Hon. Anthony Tom Oluoch .
Hon. Anthony Tom Oluoch,member of Parliament Mathare.
This information didn’t settle well with him because he wondered why him and his mother were suffering and yet he had a dad who was financially able, a millionaire .things were never the same with after being told the truth because he wondered how cruel his father could be, not being there for him as a dad should and yet he knew I existed.
Iyke developed a lot of bitterness towards his father and music was the only thing that was making him sane.Through all this struggle he managed to finish high school and he was awaiting his KCSE results and shockingly Iyke had performed poorly in his exams.
His mother pressured him to reseat the exam even went further to inviting her elder brother with his wife just to convince Iyke to repeat the class. Unfortunately Iyke stood by his decision not to repeat the exams .According to him he didn’t need the exams to prove that he was not a failure.
The young man enrolled at Mount Kenya University to study Certificate in Journalism and Mass communication. Surprisingly he really excelled in class and got nothing short of A’s in his exams ,but his mother's financial state was becoming a threat of him not finishing his course .So Iyke decided to reach out to his father who is still a MP to plead with him to support his education .
His father ghosted him and didn’t support iyke’s education and this really affected him emotionally and socially & that is when Iyke realized that his father’s absence in his life was really affecting him.
By God’s grace he was able to finish his certificate and advanced to diploma and now he is on his bachelors and all through his father valued his political career more than his own son whom he wanted to abort.
It was really painful for him because he would see his father donating millions to people and yet his own was sleeping hungry. Iyke’s friend who knew that Hon. Oluoch was his father would send him screenshots and clips of his father helping people and yet he had a son who needed help. This made him get into depression and even had symptoms of bipolar disorder.
The question that Iyke kept asking himself was that if his father was in his life, would things have been different? Would he have known how to act or behave in a relationship? His experience made him realize how important a father figure is to a child’s life regardless he is his real child or not .
Iyke Anuerin Otieno.
BMMC/2022/30120
3rd February,2022.
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